1. Seeing (or Not Seeing) a Message

Avoidants:

• They see a missed call or text from you and instantly feel overwhelmed. To them, answering might bring up too many uncomfortable feelings, so they leave it on “read” or ignore it completely.

Anxious:

• They check their phone constantly—every time they don’t see a message, panic rises. They might think, “If they’re not texting me, maybe they’ve already moved on or forgotten about me.”

Why It Matters:

• Avoidants want space and distance; anxious partners want constant reassurance. Recognizing these patterns can help you step back and understand why each side acts the way they do.

2. Stumbling on Old Photos

Avoidants:

• If they find a photo of you two, they’ll probably scroll right past or delete it. They want to avoid any feelings of nostalgia or regret.

Anxious:

• Anxious types do the opposite: they study the photo, zoom in on every detail, and replay memories in their mind, trying to figure out what went wrong.

Why It Matters:

• This difference shows how each style processes pain. Avoidants prefer to avoid (no pun intended), while anxious people dig deeper—even if it hurts.

3. Mutual Friends Mention Their Ex

Avoidants:

• They’ll quickly change the subject or act like they couldn’t care less. Asking for details? No thanks.

Anxious:

• Anxious folks want all the info they can get—any tiny hint that their ex is still thinking about them or misses them can feel like hope.

Why It Matters:

• Avoidants shut down to protect themselves from big feelings. Anxious partners look for any sign things aren’t truly over.

4. Feeling Guilt or Regret

Avoidants:

• They tell themselves the breakup was the right choice. Admitting guilt means facing tough emotions, so they’d rather brush it off.

Anxious:

• They often blame themselves, thinking, “If only I’d done this or that differently, maybe we’d still be together.”

Why It Matters:

• Both sides may feel guilt but handle it in opposite ways—one buries it, the other magnifies it.

5. Coping with Loneliness

Avoidants:

• They fill their time with work, random hobbies, or casual dating. If they stay busy, they won’t have to dwell on what they lost.

Anxious:

• The loneliness can feel crushing, so they might text or call in a moment of weakness, hoping that any form of contact will soothe the pain.

Why It Matters:

• Both are trying to escape hurt—avoidants by distraction, anxious types by reaching out for reassurance.

Where to Go from Here

These triggers highlight deep-seated fears. Avoidant people are afraid of losing their freedom or getting overwhelmed, while anxious people are terrified of being abandoned. If you catch yourself (or your ex) reacting in these ways, remember:

1. Know Your Style: Being aware of how you tend to handle conflict or loneliness is the first step to changing it.
2. Find Healthier Habits: Instead of obsessing over photos or ignoring your feelings, try journaling, talking to a therapist, or working through a guided course on attachment.
3. Show Yourself Kindness: Whether you’re anxious or avoidant, you’re dealing with real fears. A little self-compassion goes a long way.

Bottom Line:
Triggers during no contact don’t have to trap you in old patterns. By understanding these knee-jerk reactions, you can choose healthier ways to cope—and create room for genuine healing and growth, no matter your attachment style.