1. “I’m Scared of Getting Too Close.”

“When you open up, it terrifies me. I’m afraid I could get hurt, so I start pulling back and avoiding deep conversations.”

Why It Happens

Avoidants value emotional safety above all else. True intimacy means vulnerability—and vulnerability feels like a potential setup for heartbreak.

How to Respond

• Give Reassurance Without Pressure: Offer a supportive space, but don’t force them to share.
• Share Your Feelings Calmly: Let them know you understand their fear and are willing to move at a pace that feels safe for both of you.

2. “I Pull Away After a Great Weekend Together.”

“After I really enjoy being with you, I feel overwhelmed. I ignore your texts because I need to feel in control again.”

Why It Happens

Experiencing a deep connection can be both exciting and threatening to someone who fears losing their independence. Pulling away is an attempt to regain balance.

How to Respond

• Respect Their Need for Space: Don’t take it personally if they go quiet for a bit.
• Establish Boundaries: Let them know how much distance you can handle without feeling neglected.

3. “I Give You the Silent Treatment When I’m Ashamed.”

“I shut down completely during fights because I can’t handle confronting my mistakes. I’m too ashamed to talk about what happened.”

Why It Happens

Confrontation stirs anxiety about being “exposed” for wrongdoing, so they default to silence rather than risk judgment.

How to Respond

• Maintain a Calm Tone: If conflict arises, keep the conversation low-pressure and factual.
• Invite Them to Share: Gently reassure them that mistakes aren’t dealbreakers and you’d rather talk things through than be shut out.

4. “I Value My Independence Above All Else.”

“Even though I love spending time with you, losing my sense of self terrifies me. That’s why I avoid future plans or long-term discussions.”

Why It Happens

Commitment can feel like a threat to personal freedom. The idea of “merging lives” triggers fears of being smothered or losing individuality.

How to Respond

• Offer Flexibility: Show them they can maintain their identity within the relationship.
• Discuss Future Gently: Propose long-term ideas in a way that emphasizes mutual benefit and personal space.

5. “I’m Not Good at Communicating My Needs.”

“Sometimes I know exactly what I want to say but just can’t find the words. I wish you’d understand without me having to spell it out.”

Why It Happens

Avoidants may feel vulnerable expressing emotional needs, so they keep things vague or expect you to read between the lines.

How to Respond

• Encourage Honesty: Remind them you’d rather hear their truth—no matter how clumsy—than guess incorrectly.
• Ask Specific Questions: If you sense they’re holding back, gently probe: “Is there something you’d like me to do differently?”

6. “I’m Afraid You’ll Leave If I Show My True Self.”

“I act aloof because I worry if you see my vulnerabilities, you’ll walk away. I have a deep fear of abandonment, even if I won’t admit it.”

Why It Happens

Underneath the self-reliant exterior, dismissive-avoidants fear the very rejection they try to preempt with distance.

How to Respond

• Provide Steady Reassurance: Show them consistency, especially during tough moments.
• Express Acceptance: Let them know you love them for who they are—flaws and all—and that vulnerability won’t chase you away.

Why Understanding These Confessions Matters

When dismissive-avoidant partners pull away or shut down, it’s not about your worth. It’s about their fear of being hurt, rejected, or losing themselves in the relationship. Recognizing this can help you:

• Maintain Self-Worth: Don’t internalize their distancing as a reflection on you.
• Communicate Better: Approach sensitive topics gently, in a way that feels safer for them.
• Decide What You Need: If their avoidance significantly clashes with your need for closeness, it’s okay to set boundaries or even walk away for your own well-being.

Bottom Line:
Dismissive-avoidants often mask deep insecurities behind their cool, distant exterior. These confessions shine a light on the hidden fears that drive them to keep their guard up. Understanding their perspective can foster empathy and healthier communication, but remember—it’s not your job to fix them. You deserve a relationship that respects both partners’ needs for closeness and individuality.